In commemoration of the 21st anniversary of the enthronement of Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo on September 24, we are presenting testimonials from Jetsunma’s students about her impact on their lives.

We rarely get to see how Jetsunma makes karmic connections for us. We’re told that she orchestrates karma, but we don’t see the scale and scope and complexity of her efforts. But sometimes we get a glimpse.

I returned to KPC after having left Jetsunma for thirteen years. I stepped into the community room. Up around the border near the ceiling circling the room are golden lotuses. I squinted at them, because they looked familiar.

“Those are my lotuses,” I said, blinking. “I drew that.”

My mother explained that Jetsunma had told her to put 109 golden lotuses around the room. The design she had on hand was the logo I did for her business, Lotus Unlimited.

Now this was a design Jetsunma was quite familiar with, since it was on all mom’s business cards, her letterhead — not to mention on both sides of mom’s car for years.

Staggered, I asked mom when Jetsunma had her do this. “Was it in 2001?” I asked, pretty sure that it had to be.

She had to look it up, but yes, 2001. Why?

In spring 2001 I went into a five-day retreat at Kunzang Dechen Osel Ling, a three year retreat center in Salt Springs, B.C. After leaving KPC in ‘96, I’d barely been able to practice. I’d cry when I went to teachings and temples. Yet when I set foot at Dechen Ling, the caretaker met me at the gate, surprised that I’d had no obstacles on the way there. “You must have a lot of merit,” he said. 

During that retreat, things changed. For the first time I began to understand that my relationship with Jetsunma was dependent on my view, not her. I knew I could come back.

I met Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche right afterward, and Kilung Rinpoche, and received from Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso many of the teachings I rely on now to deal with the thick delusions of my mind. After Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso’s teachings, I had a dream of rainbows in all directions, so many, I didn’t know which way to go. Those rainbows were all the teachers that I met on my way back to Jetsunma.

And she did this for a former student who’d been nothing but destructive.

My mom was puzzled about 109 lotuses. Why not the traditional 108? Jetsunma had been very specific about the number.

Oh, I never mentioned this but clearly Jetsunma knew. Doing prostrations, I would do a mala’s worth … and then make myself do one more. Since I’d done one more, well, I’d make it even five. Five was close to ten, so I’d do ten. That wasn’t far from twenty-five, so, okay, twenty-five. Twenty-five was only halfway to fifty. Little by little, I’d keep going, sometimes more than doubling what I’d planned.

There’s a teaching on that wall. Keep going, she says. Keep going.

Now my mother and I are finishing the community room, adding even more lotuses. Maybe there will be 125 … 130 … or 150 … or….

Michelle Grissom